The Smorgasbord

Tarzan in Mizoram!

vidyanjali — Mon, 05 Dec 2005 17:05:20 GMT

Read this piece in The Week magazine(Dec 4, 2005):

Zionnghaka,70, a tribal Christian cult leader, is a happy old man with 15 wives and more than 100 children. Though three wives deserted him and a few died, Zionnghaka faithfully followed tradition. Apparently he couldn't keep pace with his father Challianchana, the founder of the Channa cult which permits polygamy; he had 50 wives and unccountable children! The cult is now spread over four generations and boasts of 1,600 members. Hard work pays!

***************************************
So if you think that Tarzans no longer exist, think again!!

Re: I Love My India

vidyanjali — Fri, 11 Nov 2005 18:10:28 GMT

Going by the title I thought this would be something on Independence Day... But this is a really shocking piece of news item ! A real eye-opener, indeed. 'Is desh ka kya hoga??'

Re: I Love My India

vidyanjali — Fri, 11 Nov 2005 18:09:16 GMT

Going by the title I thought this would be soemthing on Independence Day or something. But this is a really shocking piece of news item !

strange and funny

djpaddystudio7 — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 14:43:42 GMT

its a strange thing really that no one really gives a thought to such lovely epics.
and when they do care about them then they are shown as an intermix of the indian and japanese culture . i pity you watched the movie . you must have had a terrible stomach ache<laughing at what u saw> and a headache <shocked at wat u saw>

Where is Uncle Pai?

charles — Thu, 16 Jun 2005 07:48:58 GMT

The other day, a colleague based out of Bangkok asked me if I could arrange for a few CDs/DVDs of either the Ramayana or the Mahabharata. A huge fan of Indian mythology, he wanted to showcase the epics for his children. “No problem,” I told him and promised to have it sent over in under a week.

Since then, I’ve scoured the market high and low for high quality animation films that bring these epics to life. I’m appalled to report that apart from Ramanand Sagar’s horribly low-brow kitsch, there is nothing of any consequence anywhere in the world that does justice to these works.

One of the sad versions I stumbled on was created by a group that goes by the name Association of Grandparents of Indian Immigrants. Huh? I downloaded a trial copy and gave up trying to watch the obnoxious rendition in under five minutes.

Then there was this UK-based site called DesiKids (www.desikids.co.uk) threatened to unleash “Religious, mythological, and moralistic Books, CDs and DVDs for children and parents of an Indian, Hindu, and Sikh origin.” Moralistic books? What in the devil’s name does that mean actually?

Ironically, a version that tried to break free of these clichés was produced with Japanese collaboration. It shows.

Ram and Laxman are portrayed as Samurai warriors. Sita is a whimpering damsel. And Hanuman is nothing like the Hanuman we know. Instead, he resembles the Chinese folk saint turned Japanese manga/anime cultural icon Sun Wukong—also known as the Monkey hero.

Why, I wonder, can’t a “software superpower” produce films that do justice to its most loved epics?

Where is Uncle Pai?

The new element

charles — Mon, 16 May 2005 09:55:43 GMT

I've laughed my guts off when I read this. Enjoy!

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium." Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes 1 reaction to take over 4 days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.

GOVERNMENTIUM has a normal 1/2-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass."

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium – an element which radiates just as much energy, since it has 1/2 as many peons but twice as many morons.

I love my India

charles — Mon, 09 May 2005 08:08:32 GMT

I just read this AP report. I still haven't recovered.

Only a quarter of condoms made in India are used for sex, most of the others are used to make saris, toys and bathroom slippers, a newspaper reported on Saturday.

The condoms are valuable to manufacturers because of the lubricant on them. Sari weavers place the condoms on their thread spools and the lubricant on the prophylactics is rubbed off on the thread, making it move faster through their sewing machines, the newspaper quoted an Indian industry official as saying.

Sari makers also turn the condom's inside out, place them on their fingers and use the high-quality lubricant to polish gold and silver threads used in the traditional Indian women's outfits. India manufactures more than 1 billion condoms annually to check population growth and curb the spread of HIV/AIDS.

A case for Semaphores

charles — Thu, 05 May 2005 05:34:50 GMT

Jeremy Stribling was in the news recently because he pulled a hideously funny prank. His story kicks off when Stribling, a computer science student at MIT, was invited to speak at the World Multi-Conference on Systemics, Cybernetics and Informatics (WMSCI). Much as the conference sounded impressive and the delegates heavy weights, Stribling figured something was not right. Working on a hunch, he teamed up with two friends and created a piece of software that generates gibberish while sounding sufficiently scientific.

The outcome was Rooter: A Methodology for the Typical Unification of Access Points and Redundancy.

No prizes for guessing. The tub of crock was accepted and the organizers wrote in asking Stribling to make a presentation.

That was all the evidence Stribling needed to prove this conference only pandered to the delegates' vanity. He didn't waste much time in letting the media know what rubbish passed off in the guise of academia. To make matters worse for the organizers, he put the software online. I'm not sure what the fate of the conference is. But from whatever I've read in various reports, the organizers have ducked for cover.

Incidentally, when I tried out the software, here's what it came up with:
'A case for Semaphores' by Charles Assisi, Marco D'Souza and Sveta Basraon.

Abstract: Compact modalities and Scheme have garnered minimal interest from both security experts and cryptographers in the last several years. Given the current status of pervasive modalities, biologists compellingly desire the emulation of fi ber-optic cables, which embodies the appropriate principles of operating systems. In this paper, we verify that despite the fact that SMPs and scatter/gather I/O are rarely incompatible, the well-known heterogeneous algorithm for the improvement of the Turing machine is optimal.
Interested? Try this link www.pdos.lcs.mit.edu

That pretty much explains why I've stopped attending conferences. The monotony apart, the whole thing fits into an incestuous cycle.

# Smart alecky venture capitalist/investment banker makes presentation on one of the following - India will be the center of the world by 2010 creating 500 million jobs and $10 trillion or some such arbitrary number, or - How to leverage core competencies by utilizing BPOs effectively or some such assorted rubbish

# Idiots in the audience raise their hand and ask inane questions. If the speaker is a fi rangi, questions are fired in a faux Punjabi/Gujarati/Tamil-Bay Area accent.

# The media jots all of this diligently and reports the next day of how Indian IT is conquering the world. Idiots in the conference read these reports and feel good they were there. The VCs and investment bankers smirk at having taken everybody for a ride. And the reporters gather at the Press Club every weekend to exchange notes on who was the stupidest of them all.

I say, give me the New Economy Bullshit Generator any day. Available on www.dack.com bullshit.html, I've been a regular here for a few years now. Each time you click on 'Make Bullshit', it generates lines I can swear I have heard over the years. Sample this: 'syndicate real-time schemas', 'empower robust web services', 'benchmark vertical infrastructures', 'transition revolutionary schemas', 'incubate out-ofthe-box markets', 'redefine bleeding-edge paradigms','productize ubiquitous applications'.

Déjà vu anyone?

Patently Absurd

charles — Wed, 04 May 2005 10:32:35 GMT

Early in April, the Indian Parliament voted to drop an incredibly stupid clause from the Patents Bill, 2005. This clause, if passed, would have allowed software companies to own patents in India.

So what’s wrong with software patents, you may wonder? Isn’t it much the same as copyrights? It isn’t. Allow me to use an analogy to explain why the idea is a stupid one. Imagine me strolling over to the patents office tomorrow with a battery of lawyers. My team and I convince the officers there that I, at CHIP, originally thought up a computer magazine and ought to own a patent to it. The officers are convinced and award me one.

Having done that, I walk over to my competitor’s offices and tell them that by running a computer magazine, they are violating patent laws. So, either they shut down, or create a clone of what I have and pay me royalties. If I tried something as asinine as that, either the competition or you will lynch me.

Precisely the reason why music, literature, art and software programs were traditionally not awarded patents. What they have instead are copyrights. Which is why, Mark Twain could not patent humorous fiction. If he did, we wouldn’t have had P.G. Wodehouse.

Why then in the devil’s name are America and a handful of software companies like Microsoft lobbying so hard for software patents?

The earliest recollection I have of software patents and the furor that followed was August 1999. That was when Refac International sued six companies including Microsoft and Lotus for infringements. Refac argued in court that it owned patents to a process called ‘natural order recalc.’ What this process does is common place in spreadsheet software. When you make a change in a calculation on a spreadsheet, the change is applied throughout the document. That was the first time software developers figured that patents could exist on everything from sequences of machine instructions to features of the user interface. The courts predictably threw the suit out and life got back to normal.

The idea though refused to die and has raised its head often enough on various occasions. The most recent ones being when Amazon.com staked is claim to cookies - those little pieces of code that reside on your machine to help sites identify you when you visit them. The resulting public outcry forced Amazon to back off. And then there was the celebrated case when British Telecom made an outrageous claim that it owned hyperlinks on the Internet and that anybody using hyperlinks ought to pay them royalties.

What terrifies me now is that Europe is wilting under pressure and after having resisted for so long is warming up to the idea.

Take my word on this - if patents are allowed, software development as we know it now will simply cease to exist.

At times like these, I wish the Americans and Europeans had Leftist parties in their parliaments like we do. Had it not been for them, we would have gone the patents way.

And no, I’m not a Leftist. I am a social democrat with libertarian principles.

Monotony

charles — Sat, 16 Apr 2005 10:58:46 GMT

1. The Suzuki-powered 800 cc engine purrs to life.

2. Jaggu and Tarana’s friendly banter filters through on 92.5.

3. I touch the rosary hanging wrapped around my rear view mirror, mutter a small prayer (Jesus, take us safely. Bring us back home safely), shift into first, maneuver around Amar’s decrepit white car and edge slowly towards the main gate.

4. At times the guard bounds to open the gate.

5. At others, he strolls lazily and pushes it open.

6. There are days when he’s busy flirting with the domestic help and I honk to nudge him towards the gate.

7. For 15 years, the two kilometer road to the highway has been in various states of disrepair. Over the last couple of months, we’re told it’s for a better tomorrow.

8. I dodge new barriers, pesky rickshaws, unsuspecting pedestrians, the odd dog, and an assortment of bad drivers to hit the highway. On a good day, it takes me four minutes. On bad days, as long as a half hour.

9. At times, the traffic is thin.

10. Ever so often though, it morphs into a monstrous serpent that devours cars and I curse incessantly.

11. Once at office, I switch my machine on. I use the excruciatingly long time it takes to boot to wash my face, fill my bottle with cold water and piss.

12. Good morning!

Ende Ellam Ellam Aleh?

charles — Fri, 08 Apr 2005 13:23:06 GMT

About two years ago, when I first met my wife, I was smitten enough to assign her number a unique ringtone on my phone. So each time she called, the world would know it was she on the line. The irritatingly electronic trill would attempt a pathetic rendition of the Malayalam super hit 'Ende ellam ellam aleh' and my heart would go bumpity bump. Well, like I said, I was smitten.

Since then, I've married her, replaced the kitschy tone with a discreet vibrating alert and hate all kinds of intrusive ringtones—including polyphonic and master tones. But I am a minority.

Ringtones of all kinds have gained a life of their own and the outcome will impact contemporary Indian music significantly. My guess is it won't be pretty. Here's why.

To start with, it is going to be an awfully long time before Indians actually start paying for music downloads. At last count, there were 13 billion music tracks of all kinds that reside on P2P networks like Kaaza, eDonkey and Bittorrent—all of which can be had for free.

Intriguingly, however, Indians don't think twice before paying anywhere between Rs 3 and Rs 10 to download a ringtone. I find that funny because these are invariably 15-second clips that mimic popular film songs and item numbers—not whole downloads. If trends across the rest of Asia are a harbinger of things to come, I'm willing to bet by the end of this year, ringtones will generate more money than online music sales. And this is where the problem for music really starts.

Look at it this way. Given a choice between Kabban Mirza's 'Khuda Khair Kare' from Razia Sultan and Tata Young's 'Dhoom macha de' from the bike flick Dhoom, what would you much rather have on your phone? My guess is the latter will take precedence over the timelessness of Mirza's voice—whether or not you prefer the former. Whatever you do, there is no 15-second snip from 'Khuda Khair Kare' that can sound good on a cellular phone.

Even if it did on newer phones that have built-in MP3 players and other such assorted rubbish, it takes a whole lot more than 15 seconds to appreciate good music.

I say this on the back of what I see here in the US where I have been ensconced over the last week. As genres go, Hip Hop and Pop fi nd favor as ringtones. The New Yorker, a magazine I follow with biblical zeal, explains why. "Ringtones, it turns out, are inherently pop; musical expression distilled to one urgent, representative hook."

And don't forget, ringtones promise to be more lucrative than album music sales in this part of the world. The incentive, therefore, to create songs of the kind they did for Razia Sultan will diminish hugely.

To my mind, that is the only reason why music like 'Khuda Khair Kare' will eventually lose out. It doesn't have hardy enough DNA to make it in the new world. What a pity!

P.S: Just in case you're wondering, Ende ellam ellam aleh? means Aren't you my everything, aren't you?

bain derivatif

sharad — Sun, 27 Feb 2005 08:25:41 GMT

there is an efficient method called bain derivatif in French, it consists in applying cold water on the crotch in a particular way to restore the immunity. It's described at
www.bainsderivatifs.com

Cheers,
JS
cqoj.typepad.com

Just in Tokyo

charles — Wed, 23 Feb 2005 10:43:15 GMT

The more I read of Japan, the more fascinated I am by the country and it's people.Try just in tokyo (application/pdf, 751 KB)

On Bullshit

charles — Sat, 19 Feb 2005 13:55:09 GMT

One of the most salient features of our culture is that there is so much bullshit. Everyone knows this. Each of us contributes his share. But we tend to take the situation for granted. Most people are rather confident of their ability to recognize bullshit and to avoid being taken in by it. So the phenomenon has not aroused much deliberate concern, or attracted much sustained inquiry. In consequence, we have no clear understanding of what bullshit is, why there is so much of it, or what functions it serves. And we lack a conscientiously developed appreciation of what it means to us. In other words, we have no theory. I propose to begin the development of a theoretical understanding of bullshit, mainly by providing some tentative and exploratory philosophical analysis. I shall not consider the rhetorical uses and misuses of bullshit. My aim is simply to give a rough account of what bullshit is and how it differs from what it is not, or (putting it somewhat differently) to articulate, more or less sketchily, the structure of its concept. Any suggestion about what conditions are logically both necessary and sufficient for the constitution of bullshit is bound to be somewhat arbitrary. For one thing, the expression bullshit is often employed quite loosely — simply as a generic term of abuse, with no very specific literal meaning. For another, the phenomenon itself is so vast and amorphous that no crisp and perspicuous analysis of its concept can avoid being procrustean. Nonetheless it should be possible to say something helpful, even though it is not likely to be decisive. Even the most basic and preliminary questions about bullshit remain, after all, not only unanswered but unasked. So far as I am aware, very little work has been done on this subject. I have not undertaken a survey of the literature, partly because I do not know how to go about it.

Fascinated? I was too. This classic was written by Harry Frankfurt from Princeton University. Go right here to read all of it.

The problem with medicine

charles — Fri, 18 Feb 2005 07:26:29 GMT

My wife was detected with jaundice late December. It took the GP a week to figure that out. Because it took him so long while it was painfully obvious to most of us around her, I didn’t quite trust the treatment he prescribed. Which is why, I took a second opinion. One look at her reports and the doctors suggested she ought to be hospitalized. Mercifully, they didn’t prescribe medication. Just a controlled diet and bed rest.

While she was there, I did some reading and figured two things.

1. She didn’t need to be hospitalized.
2. 1 in 20 people contract infections while at the hospital.

Asking for a discharge was met with contempt.

A few days ago, she caught a cold and went down with a seriously bad throat infection. Once again, we visited the GP who promptly prescribed antibiotics. I just didn’t get it.

• In the first place, what was he doing prescribing antibiotics for a woman whose liver still hadn’t started functioning normally?
• Secondly, you don’t prescribe antibiotics at the drop of a hat. Because when you really need it, chances are, your immune systems would be resistant to the whole thing.

Clearly, there had to be a better solution. She insisted we visit a classic homeopath. Three hours of questioning later, he prescribed some medicines. As much as he looked earnest, I’m not too sure of its efficacy though. I simply can’t come to terms with a system of medicine that is still trying to defend itself. Worse still, there is no conclusive evidence that homeopathy works for everybody, all the time.

So what am I supposed to do? Take chances with somebody’s life who means the world to me? I am at a complete loss.

The Great Indian Rope Trick

charles — Tue, 15 Feb 2005 08:14:39 GMT

I stumbled over a dated (but interesting) set of numbers the other day. According to a study conducted by the US Department of Commerce, the US imported software worth $1.6 billion in 2002-03 from India. The report quoted a spokesperson of the Confederation of Indian Industry (CII) debunking the study and saying the Americans got it wrong. India actually exported $6.3 billion worth of software to the US in the same period.

A discrepancy of $4.7 billion? That's Rs 22,000 crore. I find it intriguing. Is something the matter here? For a moment, let's give the Indian software industry the benefit of doubt and assume the Americans got it all wrong, and that India actually exported software to the US worth $6.3 billion during the period.

Problem is, the assumption raises too many questions to which I have no answers.

Question #1: Somebody doesn't know how to count? Who is it—the Indians or the Americans?

Question #2: During the period under scrutiny, NASSCOM figures indicate total software exports from India were of the order of $9.5 billion. Of this, the top 20 Indian IT companies accounted for $4.5 billion. What it means is simply this: the Top 20 Indian software companies exported less than half what the industry as a whole could manage. I find this strange because I can't think of any other industry where the Top 20 companies contribute so little. Is the structure of our industry an aberration from what exists elsewhere?

Question #3: For the sake of an argument, let me assume the Indian IT industry is indeed an exception to the rule. That means, the Top 20 apart, there are software companies who collectively generate $5.1 billion (Rs 24,000 crore). For the period in question, I reckon there were close 800 software companies. To create this kind of money, wouldn't each of these software companies have generated on average Rs 30 crore?

Question #4: The latest statistics put out by Nasscom clearly indicate only 12 Indian IT companies generated revenues in excess of Rs 500 crore. After digging a little deeper to get a better picture, only 172 Indian companies earn over Rs 30 crore. This number was culled from a survey of India's Top 200 IT companies by the widely-respected Dataquest.

What do I believe now? That I don't know how to count or that these publicly available numbers are horribly wrong?

Question #5: There's an interesting theory I've heard at countless cocktail parties. Picture this. I have Rs 1 crore in black money. Because this money is unaccounted for, there is little good use I can put it to. To derive real value from it, the money ought to be legal.

To get around the problem, I take all my cash, go to the US and set up a mom-and-pop shop there. Even as I do that, I create a 'technology services provider' in India. This mom-and-pop shop of mine then places an order for software worth Rs 97 lakh from the company in India. I'm assuming Rs 3 lakh will be spent in setting up the whole racket and paying off a few operators. What I get now is white money. I report this income to the authorities as legitimate software export earnings, pay my taxes and walk away into the sunset. Indian authorities record the exports. The Americans don't see it because nothing ever got imported. Nobody's wiser.

Am I just the victim of an imagination gone wild?

..............!!!!!!!!

charles — Mon, 15 Nov 2004 06:08:56 GMT

For whatever reasons, I haven't posted on this blog for God knows how long. I have a feeling, I'll start today.

Clinical trials

charles — Sat, 25 Oct 2003 06:51:14 GMT

Call me naive. I don't care. But deep down, I find this whole business of clinical trials so terribly unethical. But damn my ethics. Consider these numbers.

The business of pharmaceutical and medical device clinical trials is a $15 billion per year business in the U.S., and $35 to $40 billion globally. U.S.-based spending on clinical trials is growing fast – at a 12 percent per year pace that should generate $26.5 billion by 2007. So far, so good. But this is where my problem lies. There are more than 2,500 FDA clinical trials underway in the U.S. for new drugs. Because Phase II trials often use up to several hundred people and Phase III trials often require several thousand people, the need for a very large ‘patient market’ with a particular disease is enormous. The problem for biotech, pharmaceutical, and medical device companies is that it is increasingly difficult and expensive to find the large pools of people needed to thoroughly test new drugs and devices.

Enter India. With a billion people and a few hundred million below the poverty line, hundreds of thousands are queuing up to offer their bodies to be tested. For pharma companies, India is turning out to be the cheapest alternative anywhere in the world and they're queuing up by the dozen.

Reports Red Herring in a recent story on how India is emerging as the new drug trial hotspot, India appeals to businesses trying to run clinical trials because not only is it relatively easy to find treatment-naive patients, there is also a low attrition rate among them while participating in long trials. In an interview in India Abroad, Santosh Hegde, a business development executive for clinical testing management company Neeman Medical International, explained that “Indian patients have the highest return rate in the world, so critical time is not lost by patients dropping out of trials.”

There's money to be made. Fuck!

A modern day parody

charles — Sat, 25 Oct 2003 04:16:24 GMT

My friend Anita mailed me this modern day parody about an ant and a grasshopper. Quaint. And in some ways, reminiscent of our times.

The classic version

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

The modern-day version

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

DD, BBC, CNN, NDTV show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house. Amnesty International and Kofi Annan criticize the Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the grasshopper. The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the grasshopper. Opposition MPs stage a walkout in the parliament. Left parties call for "Bharat Bandh" in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry. Achuthanathan asks Antony to resign for failing to look after the interests of the Grasshopper. He demanded that the food stocks with Ant must taken over
by the Civil Supplies and the Ant be arrested and charged for hoarding essential items.

Karunakaran calls Antony a bastard for ignoring the interests of the Grasshopper and yet again threatens the High Command with dire consequences if ‘I’ group’s demands are not met. Only he understands the problems of the Grasshopper and he alone can solve this issue. Since his doctors have indicated that he will live for another 20 years, he must be given Chief Ministership
so that he can look after the welfare of his ‘clan’ for the next 20 years and pray for the welfare of the Grasshopper during his monthly visits to Guruvayur.

DYFI and CITU organise relay fast outside the secretariat to show their solidarity with the Grasshopper - fasting during the day and feasting at night.

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act [POTAGA]", with effect from the beginning of winter. The ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his food stock is confiscated by the government and stored in the Food Corporation godowns. The Centre introduces a cess to provide food subsidy for the Grasshoppers.

The Kerala government not to be out done, promises to offer free land to Grasshoppers to build houses. Supplyco “promises” a years supply of food to the Grasshopper. For her selfless service to the welfare of the Grasshopper, Arundathi Roy is invited to Delhi to receive the Padmabhushan from the President. DD, BBC, CNN and NDTV cover the ceremony. Arunadathi calls it a
victory for the oppressed. Kofi Annan invites her to address the U.N and suggests her name for the Nobel Prize.

Meanwhile half the food stacked in the godown are consumed by rats and the other rots and becomes unfit even for rats. The cess is used to build a swank building to be occupied by the Grasshopper Welfare Commission. The promised free land and free food never materialises.

Both the Ant and the Grasshopper were last seen scurrying for scraps in the refuse dump outside Palayam market ignored and forgotten by politicians, do gooders like Arundathi and the media.

Inside China

charles — Mon, 20 Oct 2003 06:42:09 GMT

Businessworld's latest cover story is on China -- on the country, the people and doing business.

"BEIJING'S trendy taverns generally have two distinct sets of patrons. There are those who sit in noisy groups and sing as they down vast quantities of Tsingtao beer, and there are those who sit quietly at the bar and stare morosely into their whisky glasses. Usually, there are a few CEOs in both sets. China may be the Gold Rush of our times, but just as in the old days of the Wild West, not all who venture forth return enriched or with their limbs intact." Very, very interesting read indeed.

Sainthood, Vatican, and the Pope

charles — Sat, 18 Oct 2003 04:59:04 GMT

That the Vatican and the Pope are marketing professionals par excellence is the theme of The Saint Business. The devastating article lashes out at the Pope and the Vatican. Sample this: The Vatican is the world's oldest, largest and richest multinational corporation. And perhaps the most rapacious. Microsoft, eat your heart out!. Intrigued? Enraged? Whatever, read the story

Russia to price oil in euros

charles — Thu, 16 Oct 2003 06:26:49 GMT

That the dollar is taking a hammering is documented well. But when this story last night in The Telegraph, I was petrubed. It spoke of how Russia is to start pricing its huge oil and gas exports in euros instead of dollars as part of a stragetic shift to forge closer ties with the European Union. Juxtapose this story with an earlier posting I had made on the dollar versus the euro.

Interesting times that we live in, eh?

The joy of listening to Bill Joy

charles — Wed, 15 Oct 2003 12:20:07 GMT

I love listening to Bill Joy, former chief scientist at Sun Microsystems. The first time I completely flipped my lid about his world views was when I read an April 2000 essay published in Wired magazine on Why the future doesn't need us. It spoke of how our most powerful 21st-century technologies - robotics, genetic engineering, and nanotech - are threatening to make humans an endangered species. It's the kind of thing Ray Kurzweil talks about everyday. But you kinda dismiss it as sci fi ruminations. Not when Bill Joy talks though. Which is why, I positively loved this interview with him in Fortune where he talks about the challenges that faces Sun, the Internet and Microsoft.

Things you ought to know about a woman

charles — Tue, 14 Oct 2003 11:19:53 GMT

As much as this is funny, it is also profound. I picked all of this off Esquire. After you're done reading all that is posted below, maybe, you ought to visit the website. The editors at Esquire have put up the five best stories to have ever appeared in the magazine. It's the kind of writing that can make you cry. Painfully beautiful. And now, on to all the things a man ought to know about a woman.

Women can tell if a man is the kind of man who likes women.

Women like a man who likes women who like to eat.

An unsolicited kiss is to a woman as free playoff tickets are to a man. Even better: flowers on days that aren't Valentine's Day, anniversaries, or birthdays.

Speaking of flowers, they are most effective when delivered to her workplace.

Getting back to kissing: more lip. Less tongue.

The small of the back, the nape of the neck, behind the knees.

While the occasional quick love bite is, in context, welcome, that incessant animal-in-a-leg-trap gnawing: no.

As a rule, even if she wears a thong the first time you see her unclothed, she prefers white cotton panties.

As a rule, women don't like heels. Should she decide to wear heels anyway, have the confidence to support her decision, even if they make her taller than you.

If you ask about her previous boyfriend and she gets a small, wistful smile on her face, change the subject.

You have no previous girlfriend.

If she doesn't believe you when you say you have no previous girlfriend, admit to only one and offer: "She was unintelligent, a bad dresser, lousy in bed, couldn't cook, and had warts on her nipples." It also doesn't hurt to add that you like pets, enjoy children, volunteer often, and think, if only the church weren't against the use of condoms, you could have joined the priesthood.

Never let her arrive at an event alone.

Sometimes women want it when you don't, and for you not to give in on such occasions sets a terrible precedent.

Her job is just as important as yours.

If she works out, compliment her muscles.

When asked if she looks fat, even if it's the one thousandth time, you must be always at the ready with an immediate, confident "Suuu-eeeeeee!"

That was a joke.

Not a joke, and a phrase you should commit to memory: "Of course you don't look fat."

No, you were not looking at that other woman.

First-date don'ts: overdress, underdress, show up too early, show up too late, or talk too much about yourself.

Second-date don'ts: See first-date don'ts, plus don't presume that you're now entitled to sex.

Third-date don'ts: See first- and second-date don'ts, plus don't start talking about how you never want to have children or, for that matter, how you want to have children immediately.

Relationship helper.

Please complete: anniversary date:___; birthday:___; dress size:___; shoe size:___; bra size:___.

Know that while Rhett Butler can get away with telling Scarlett O'Hara that she "should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how," you cannot

Only acceptable pickup line: "Hi, my name is [insert your name]. What's yours?"

On PMS: The fact that she knows hormones are causing her temporary crankiness doesn't make the feelings any less real, so cut her some slack.

At those times when she criticizes your mood, it's okay to remind her of how you always cut her some slack on PMS days.
Do not expect this gambit to work.

Don't insult her friends, even if she does.

More than anything else, women want you to make them laugh.

Women are less excited about receiving gifts of lingerie than you are about giving them.

Women are less excited about sleeping with another woman for your viewing pleasure than you are.

Men always overestimate the size of their wives' or girlfriends' chests even as they underestimate the size of their wives' or girlfriends' hips.

Wishful thinking is bad for your relationship.

Avoid a woman who competes with her mother or her sister. Embrace a woman who is best friends with either.

Women dislike men who are liars.

Women like men who have close friends.

No matter how furtive or quick the glance, a woman always knows when you're looking at her breasts.

Going shopping with more than one woman at any given time will consume a minimum of seventeen hours that could have been spent napping.

Contrary to popular belief, an out-of-shape man is just as unappealing to a woman as an out-of-shape woman is to a man.

Women want you to pay for dinner.

It's pointless to argue with her if you're not going to win. You're not going to win.

A good woman is as excited about a gift that costs nothing as she is about a gift that costs a lot.

Women have to pay more for their haircuts, dry cleaning, and shoes, and this upsets them.

Women have to buy new outfits every season, and this makes them happy

Should you hit it off with a woman, perhaps think you are soul mates, and fall into bed in an unclothed, heavy-breathing, romance-novel tangle, and, in the heat of it all, she moans, "Daddy," do not even attempt to put your pants on until you are in the car.

The idea of love at first sight, though attractive to women in theory, terrifies them in practice.

The quirky perfect gift that shows you've been listening is worth twice the value of anything you can find at Tiffany's.

Of course, it doesn't hurt if the quirky perfect gift happens to be from Tiffany's.

Gifts that may be quirky but never perfect: a blender, a beater, a vacuum cleaner, or a waffle iron.

While yes sometimes means no, no always means no, as does her ordering the garlicky pesto sauce, twirling her hair around her finger while gazing absently into space, and getting up from the table to go to the ladies' room and never returning.

Most women do not like ice fishing, golf, bowling, or poker, which is why every man must take up at least one of these hobbies, because, while unin-teresting, they allow for the woman-free consumption of liquor and the unfettered discussion of, you know, women.

Those few women who do like ice fishing, golf, bowling, or poker are the reason God invented the Elks club.

Never ask a woman why she's mad at you, as she will only get madder at your not knowing.

One follow-up to an unreturned phone call is acceptable; two is stalking.

If you're single, the tango will do the trick. If you're married, the tango will also do the trick.
Possibly even with your wife.

Women do not desire to be introduced to a new brand of perfume.

Women do not wish to be trifled with should they, on occasion, order dessert.

Less than .05 percent of the male population is attractive enough to ignore chivalry, and most women over the age of twenty-five prefer to admire such men from a distance.

Don't kiss and tell, even if you're really proud of yourself

Love does not mean never having to say you're sorry. It means having to say you're sorry over and over again, in new and different ways, every day, every week, every month, even when you don't want to, every year, until God grants you his mercy and you finally, blissfully die.

Women who come from big families are more fun

Women who have two or more brothers are less likely to be disgusted by you.

Women, despite all your years of trying to understand them, including your intimate familiarity with Freudian psychology, the occasional intelligence- gathering glance at Cosmo, and the memorization of all these things a man should know about them, will always remain a mystery.

Steve Ballmer on why developing countries don't need cheap PCs

charles — Mon, 06 Oct 2003 07:37:37 GMT

Steve Ballmer's got an interesting argument on why developing countries like India, China, Russia and Brazil don't need sub-300 dollar PCs. And that they won't mind paying $600 for a PC. Quite honestly, I'm tempted to say buzz off. Do you even know what you're talking about? Have you travelled into the hinterland? But come to think of it. Maybe, I'm the idiot. I don't run a company that's sitting on $32-fuckin'-billion dollars of cash reserves. Just cash reserves!!!! That's almost half the forex reserves India holds. Precisely the reason why it makes sense to listen to Ballmer talk. The story's here on Always-On Network.