Call me naive. I don't care. But deep down, I find this whole business of clinical trials so terribly unethical. But damn my ethics. Consider these numbers.

The business of pharmaceutical and medical device clinical trials is a $15 billion per year business in the U.S., and $35 to $40 billion globally. U.S.-based spending on clinical trials is growing fast – at a 12 percent per year pace that should generate $26.5 billion by 2007. So far, so good. But this is where my problem lies. There are more than 2,500 FDA clinical trials underway in the U.S. for new drugs. Because Phase II trials often use up to several hundred people and Phase III trials often require several thousand people, the need for a very large ‘patient market’ with a particular disease is enormous. The problem for biotech, pharmaceutical, and medical device companies is that it is increasingly difficult and expensive to find the large pools of people needed to thoroughly test new drugs and devices.

Enter India. With a billion people and a few hundred million below the poverty line, hundreds of thousands are queuing up to offer their bodies to be tested. For pharma companies, India is turning out to be the cheapest alternative anywhere in the world and they're queuing up by the dozen.

Reports Red Herring in a recent story on how India is emerging as the new drug trial hotspot, India appeals to businesses trying to run clinical trials because not only is it relatively easy to find treatment-naive patients, there is also a low attrition rate among them while participating in long trials. In an interview in India Abroad, Santosh Hegde, a business development executive for clinical testing management company Neeman Medical International, explained that “Indian patients have the highest return rate in the world, so critical time is not lost by patients dropping out of trials.”

There's money to be made. Fuck!

My friend Anita mailed me this modern day parody about an ant and a grasshopper. Quaint. And in some ways, reminiscent of our times.

The classic version

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

The modern-day version

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

DD, BBC, CNN, NDTV show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house. Amnesty International and Kofi Annan criticize the Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the grasshopper. The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the grasshopper. Opposition MPs stage a walkout in the parliament. Left parties call for "Bharat Bandh" in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry. Achuthanathan asks Antony to resign for failing to look after the interests of the Grasshopper. He demanded that the food stocks with Ant must taken over
by the Civil Supplies and the Ant be arrested and charged for hoarding essential items.

Karunakaran calls Antony a bastard for ignoring the interests of the Grasshopper and yet again threatens the High Command with dire consequences if ‘I’ group’s demands are not met. Only he understands the problems of the Grasshopper and he alone can solve this issue. Since his doctors have indicated that he will live for another 20 years, he must be given Chief Ministership
so that he can look after the welfare of his ‘clan’ for the next 20 years and pray for the welfare of the Grasshopper during his monthly visits to Guruvayur.

DYFI and CITU organise relay fast outside the secretariat to show their solidarity with the Grasshopper - fasting during the day and feasting at night.

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act [POTAGA]", with effect from the beginning of winter. The ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his food stock is confiscated by the government and stored in the Food Corporation godowns. The Centre introduces a cess to provide food subsidy for the Grasshoppers.

The Kerala government not to be out done, promises to offer free land to Grasshoppers to build houses. Supplyco “promises” a years supply of food to the Grasshopper. For her selfless service to the welfare of the Grasshopper, Arundathi Roy is invited to Delhi to receive the Padmabhushan from the President. DD, BBC, CNN and NDTV cover the ceremony. Arunadathi calls it a
victory for the oppressed. Kofi Annan invites her to address the U.N and suggests her name for the Nobel Prize.

Meanwhile half the food stacked in the godown are consumed by rats and the other rots and becomes unfit even for rats. The cess is used to build a swank building to be occupied by the Grasshopper Welfare Commission. The promised free land and free food never materialises.

Both the Ant and the Grasshopper were last seen scurrying for scraps in the refuse dump outside Palayam market ignored and forgotten by politicians, do gooders like Arundathi and the media.